


Nightly discussions

by Vinushuka



Series: Life inside and outside Dir en grey [14]
Category: Dir en grey, Sukekiyo (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-22 23:54:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7458562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinushuka/pseuds/Vinushuka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Die spends the night after the garden party in Toshiya's new bed, but he's too exited to sleep. He wakes up Toshiya and they start to talk about their love lives for the first time. It starts to look like Toshiya has to accept the fact that Die is madly in love with Mari and the idea of being a father. Where does that leave Toshiya especially when Kyo is having a date with Uta?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightly discussions

“Are you sleeping?” Toshiya heard Die’s voice in the almost dark bedroom. Toshiya opened his eyes and saw Die’s outline against the faint light of the streetlamps outside. Die was lying on his side resting his head on his palm watching Toshiya. “I can’t sleep. I’m too excited”, he complained and wound a strand of Toshiya’s hair around his finger.

“Excited about what?” Toshiya mumbled trying to get his brain working again after a short nap.

“Mari of course. She was unbelievable tonight. When I saw her at the door it was like she would have become the center of the universe. I just couldn’t see anything else. How can anyone be so beautiful?” Die sighed and fell into silence.

“I could see that.  Was this the first time you felt that way? I mean have you ever fallen in love with someone?”

“When I saw Shinya for the first time I felt something similar but then I found out that he was guy and forced myself to forget my feelings. I just wanted to be normal and fall in love with a girl, but that never happened. It’s easy to meet girls when you’re playing in a band and girls seemed to like me, but I never fell in love with any of them… Have you ever fallen in love… with a girl?” Die asked after a short pause.

“I tried very hard to find a girlfriend when I was younger. Everybody was expecting me to date and get married, but I never felt anything towards the girls I met.  When Kaoru started to teach me I realized what I needed. He made me happy for the first time in my life. Then Kyo taught me what it really means to love someone. It’s a blinding feeling…” At that point Toshiya had to stop talking because his voice broke down and tears flooded his eyes once more. “I’m sorry”, he sniffled and wiped his eyes.

“Please don’t cry! I’m sure you too will find the right one someday”, Die tried to comfort Toshiya. He folded his arm around him and pulled him closer. Toshiya rested his forehead against Die’s bare chest wondering what was happening. Die caressed his hair with his hand but didn’t say anything. Toshiya could sense his confusion so he withdrew from his embrace.

“When did you decide that it was okay to date Shinya?” Toshiya asked now that Die was finally talking about his past.

“Actually I didn’t. He decided it for me. At the time I hated myself for being such a weirdo and didn’t care what happened to me. He decided to help me to overcome my problems. To be honest without him I would have gone wasted. Shinya is a wonderful and complex human being, a man and a woman and a child in one package.”

“So true. I’ve always wondered how passionate he is about his drumming and all the bells and whistles and the technology that comes with it when, at the same time, he loves toys and furry animals and home decoration not to talk about dresses and makeup”, Toshiya accompanied his friend’s views.

“There’s only one Shinya!” Die laughed and relaxed a bit.

“What will happen if Mari becomes pregnant?” Toshiya asked wanting to tackle the practical matters.

“She told me she would like to give birth in Finland so that the baby would get double citizenship. Besides there she can get married with Eva. I would probably have to travel there to confirm my fatherhood.”

“Aren’t you jealous about Eva?” Toshiya asked puzzled by Die’s relaxed attitude.

“In a way I am, but she can’t do what I can do. She can’t create new life like I can. It’s the most powerful feeling in the world. I can’t stop thinking how my little guys are searching for her egg and combine with it to start new life inside her. It’s a real miracle!” Die enthused. 

“What if nothing happens?” Toshiya continued to probe the alternatives.

“That’s easy, then we try again. Practice makes perfect, you know.” Die giggled clearly enjoying the thought of making love with Mari.

“But you won’t be at home for the next two months or so”, Toshiya remarked wanting to bring some realism into this crazy discussion.

“Hmm, you’re right. Maybe we should try again tomorrow, just to make sure”, Die realized.

“Yeah, that might be a good idea”, Toshiya admitted with a sigh. He would have to cope with the fact that Die was now completely infatuated with Mari and the idea of being a father.

      When Toshiya woke up next morning Die had vanished from his bed but there was a note waiting on his night table:

“Thanks for the night and interesting discussions. I went to see Mari again. Wish me luck! Die”

Toshiya sighed and shook his head but he couldn’t help smiling at his friend’s enthusiasm. Then he started to wonder how it would feel to make love with a woman. He had never wanted to touch anyone in that way. Maybe he was a hopeless case compared to Die and Kyo, who both had dated women before.

       Kyo had told Toshiya that he once fell in love with a girl and was considering to marry her, but the girl betrayed him. After that Kyo had kept to himself without wanting any kind of relationship. Kyo hadn’t told him much about his relationship with Kaoru but obviously it had continued already for years. Maybe Kyo would want to go back to Kaoru if Toshiya wasn’t there for him anymore. The idea of Kyo and Kaoru together was almost intolerable. Toshiya knew he had no right to be jealous as he had chosen to leave Kyo himself but he couldn’t help it.

      Toshiya jumped up from the bed irritated by his stupid feelings. He hurried downstairs to check for any messages in his cell phone.  There was one from Kyo that irritated him even more:

“I’m going out tonight with Uta. I hope that he is safe enough for you!”

Toshiya had real difficulties to reign his jealousy but he decided firmly not to complain.

“Have a safe night”, he typed and sent the message before he would write any stupidities.

      Die retuned from Mari’s place when Toshiya was preparing a breakfast. “Mission accomplished” he huffed and sat at the table.

“Help yourself a cup of coffee”, Toshiya told him when he was finishing the frying of his omelet. “How was the second try?”

“Couldn’t be better! I’m starting to get the hang of it”, Die replied looking pleased with himself. “Now we just have to wait and see.”


End file.
